Personal Statement

When run over at seven years of age, tremendous fear and inhibition overtook my body and mind. Simultaneously I had an awakening experience. With no concept of 'awakening’ in my family or the educational worldview of the fifties, being thrust into a different perceptual reality created a wall of separation I had no way of addressing. This dilemma formed the seed of my personal development. Sixty years of angst, insight and healing have birthed appreciation for this journey and I hold respectful fascination for the path we each walk. In my late teens and twenties, I began to research methods and philosophies of education which recognize and address the spiritual aspect of our humanity. Maria Montessori and Rudolf Steiner articulated much of what I knew from my awakening, while deep involvement in Re-evaluation Counseling helped relieve layers of trauma and provided a powerful introduction to social justice. My thirties were taken with giving birth and raising four children in a remote area of northern New Mexico, doing my best to apply all I had learned in my twenties. Sensitive to how the dominant forces of colonization and capitalism are passed through public school systems, my husband and I launched into a grand experiment… unschooling our children. Our children guided my personal development in as many ways I as I guided theirs. Watching how they learned within an unbroken relationship with our daily life on the land, healed something deep within my soul. Through their eyes, interests and questions aspects of my own learning process re-awakened. Some parts of this educational experiment with the children were successful, in that loving wonderful people came from it. In other ways the experience became the pain and seed of their personal development. Recognizing the dysfunctional parts of our life with them… as they worked to fit into the world of schooled young people and process all my husband and I went through in our relationship… was significant to my development. Looking back with them, I recognized how far I fell from the intended perfection I wanted to embody for my children. Admitting this has taken courage and is humbling! Dynamics of my marriage worked to push me out of the role of wife and mother as I had lived it. Taking hold of my life outside these roles was significant in my development as a woman. I wrestled with all the deep anger, questioning and insights as have many women of my generation, who sought to find themselves outside of the prescription of a 1950's woman. Breaking out of a Christian orientation and awakening through exploration of the goddess culture, I became part of the movement of broadening the history of women. I became deeply involved in CoreLight, working intensively with non-dual teachings and developing a meditation practice. Life provided ample opportunity to either apply the teachings of oneness to embody forgiveness or remain committed to the suffering of my mind’s stories of loss and victimhood. Through CoreLight I developed a life partnership with a woman in Canada. Over the years we have dedicated two or more hours a week to processing what life brings us to work with, healing our childhoods and strengthening our ability to LOVE. The phenomena of humanity taking dominance over nature, colonizing indigenous people and persistently interrupting humanity’s connection with the living body of Gaia, the web of life… is consistently present in my awareness. My personal development is dedicated to transmuting these forces, which inhibit peace and well-being on earth. Living at the base of Los Alamos National Laboratory, which launched and perpetuates the nuclear age, has spurred deep inner searching for ways to disarm humanities defense system. This requires that I not only disarm my own defense system but claim the knowing of what sustains life I carry in my womb.